Paltry Penitence

First, a famous lady giving a classic example of the problem of this post’s title.

�Dear Lord, if you spare this town from becoming a smoking hole in the ground, I’ll try to be a better Christian. I don’t know what I can do … umm … ooh! The next time there’s a canned food drive I’ll give the poor something they’d actually like instead of old lima beans and pumpkin mix.�

(Marge Simpson, The Simpsons, Vol 1. of The Complete Third Season, Collectors Edition, �Homer Defined� 07:51-8:10)

Second, John Dryden explaining that God will not be satisfied with your absurd offers to make up for sin.

From John Dryden’s Religio Laici

[Of the moral inadequacy of Deism in the light of man’s sin]

Dar’st thou, poor Worm, offend Infinity?

And must the Terms of Peace be given by Thee?

Then Thou art Justice in the last Appeal;

Thy easy God instructs thee to rebell:

And, like a King remote, and weak, must take

What Satisfaction Thou art pleas’d to make.

But if there be a Pow’r too Just, and strong

To wink at Crimes, and bear unpunish’d Wrong;

Look humbly upward, see his Will disclose

The Forfeit first, and then the Fine impose:

A Mulct thy Poverty could never pay

Had not Eternal Wisdom found the way:

And with C�lestial Wealth supply’d thy Store:

His Justice makes the Fine, his Mercy quits the Score.

See God descending in thy Humane Frame;

Th’ offended, suff’ring in th’ Offenders Name:

All thy Misdeed to him imputed see;

And all his Righteousness devolv’d on thee.

For granting we have Sin’d, and that th’ offence

Of Man, is made against Omnipotence,

Some Price, that bears proportion, must be paid;

And Infinite with Infinite be weigh’d.

See then the Deist lost: Remorse for Vice,

Not paid, or paid, inadequate in price:

What farther means can Reason now direct,

Or what Relief from human Wit expect?

That shews us sick; and sadly are we sure

Still to be Sick, till Heav’n reveal the Cure:

If then Heaven’s Will must needs be understood.

(Which must, if we want Cure, and Heaven, be Good)

Let all Records of Will reveal’d be shown;

With Scripture, all in equal balance thrown,

And our one Sacred Book will be That one.